The essence of marriage lies in embracing imperfections. Often when looking for a life partner we create a mental sketch of who we would want to spend our lives with. Someone who is well-mannered looks amazing has many accomplishments and is dreamily perfect. Girls idolize celebrities and boys do the same. Many years later when they are happily married with kids and find old posters and journals in the storage bin, they reflect and see just how different their life partner is from the one they thought they wanted to get married to. Don’t get me wrong this “different” isn’t a “lamenting for loss” different. It is a “this is what love truly looks like” different.

The truth of the matter is that:

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

We cannot let go of suitable matches thinking, oh but I wanted my husband to have intoxicatingly dreamy eyes or for him to be 6 ft tall. Single Muslim women may think that they want to get married to someone who looks like Wajeeh West and has a sense of humor or style. Likewise, single Muslim men might find themselves thinking of someone who has the qualities and looks of Alayna Zaidi. In actuality, when you are met with the possibility of a match, whether arranged or if you meet someone who pulls at your heartstrings. The chemistry that is created in the moments that you are together, defines if that is a good match for you.

How indelible might your partner have a checklist? Should it be so?

A single Muslim woman’s checklist for what her husband might look like this:

• Practicing Muslim
• Tall
• Good looking
• Master’s degree in Business
• Small family
• Good sense of Humor
• Must love the outdoors
• Should share household chores
• Respectful
• Should not be an introvert

A single Muslim man’s checklist for what his wife might look like this:

• Practicing Muslim
• Average looking
• Master’s degree in any field
• Congenial personality
• Active lifestyle
• Good sense of dressing
• Respectful
• Happy to relocate

Let us analyze the hypothetically created checklist. For a girl looking for a partner, what could be the non-negotiables? What if he has a master’s degree in psychology or data sciences instead of business? It can be said with certainty that this point can be reassessed, as it will not have a negative impact on her married life. However, if one was to discuss the importance of whether the guy is respectful towards others, that, dear readers, is a definite non-negotiable. Similarly, maybe the girl meets all the criteria on your list but is unwilling to relocate, that is a point that you cannot do away with. However, if she is willing to relocate, is respectful, and has a great sense of dressing but holds a bachelor’s degree then that should definitely be a “yes” from you.

It would help to understand that while someone might have all the qualities that you’re looking for in a spouse, you may still find things about them that you don’t like. At the same time, there will be things about you that they love and some that they may learn to appreciate later.

Embracing imperfections: Looking past shortcomings and focusing on the positives

Being able to recognize another person’s flaws but yet choosing to love them in spite of them is what makes love so beautiful. It is also one of the most difficult aspects of choosing a life partner. What habits do you think you can live with and what must be the traits that you really cannot imagine a life partner without?

It is also important for all single Muslims to engage in self-reflection. Do they really consider themselves to be flawless? We would do well to remember that only Allah SW.T. is flawless as He is divine. We are only human. This would also help in relationships where we remember to forget our ego and work together towards being better partners.

So, remember that you could meet someone who may be perfect on paper, but the chemistry may be missing.  Or you may be introduced to someone who is sweet and nervous and may not have a personality that’s larger than life like you wanted. Who do you feel connected in spirit to? You must pick someone who is emotionally literate and has ambition, the ambition to spend the rest of their lives with you, with the intention of giving it their all.

The teachable lesson from this discussion is that although it is important to be guided by certain driving principles when it comes to choosing someone as a life partner, don’t assign so much importance to perfection. Don’t miss out on someone who is less than perfect but can make you very happy for the rest of your life.

We often see that young single Muslims are blinded by the shiny aura of perfection that is created by digital media all around them. It is so important, now more than ever, to evaluate and place more weight to the intrinsic beauty of prospective spouses. Sites such as SyedMatch.com are focused on creating a safe space for single Muslims, that allows them to make sound judgments based on internal merits instead of outward appearances only. Head over to Syedmatch.com and make use of our various services, designed specifically for those looking genuinely for a life partner including a comprehensive wedding businesses directory. We sincerely hope that you will find love the halal way and will remember our advice.