Dealing with heartbreak and moving on is one of the most difficult phases in life. The pain of losing someone close to your heart is devastating and you will feel fragments of that broken heart all through your life. However, allowing yourself to grieve and make peace with the situation you’re in, also allows you to heal and enables you to tread this path that’s so fraught with difficulties.
They say a broken heart will always have a crack but you may also think of it as a crack, that can open doors to a new world and to new beginnings. Life coaches and psychologists do not recommend looking for a partner immediately after you go through a heartbreak. You should definitely allow yourself to do the following before putting yourself through the wringer of finding a prospective Muslim spouse again.
· Feel the feelings
· Believe in yourself
· Embrace self-compassion
· Find the right support team
· Practice generosity
· Practice self-care
FEEL THE FEELINGS
“Better to have love and lost is better than never having loved at all.” This phrase may sound cliched, but Lord Tennyson had it right. Popular belief is that you only have one great love in this lifetime. Islam sheds a different light on this common concept and encourages single Muslims to seek another’s hand in marriage after having passed a certain period of bereavement. Understand the situation behind your loss. Did you lose the one you love because of a difference in opinion, a difference in personalities, familial interference, or untimely tragedy? Whatever the reason may be behind your heartbreak, you must find closure and the best way to do so is to seek guidance and help from people you trust. A lot of Muslim matrimony websites including SyedMatch offer counseling and resources among other services. You will find that you are not alone. Always Remember
Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear – Quran, 2:286
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Each individual handles loss in their personal way. Some busy themselves with work, others in the family and some go through a soul-crushing, life-purpose-defeating kind of loss. Whatever shape your grief has morphed into, always remember that your partner does not define you. You are your own person. You may feel awkward in socializing, thinking that you’re not worthy of love.
You couldn’t be far from wrong. Whether you are socializing to bring a semblance of normalcy in your life or socializing to find ways to move on, trust the healing powers of time and most importantly, trust yourself. Slowly phase into meeting new people, you can start by meeting other single Muslims on the same boat. The new single people, who have had their boat rocked by life. Searching through the e-portals available for halal matrimony, matchmaking and dating would be a good idea to slowly ease into this new life.
“Resilience in love means finding strength from within that you can share with others.” ~Sheryl Sandberg
Do not indulge in self-criticism. This is detrimental to the healing process. Have faith in the creator and his plans for you.
As Dr. Omar Suleiman says, “Know Allah, and you will know yourself.”
Be your own savior and your own safe space. Adapt to this new setting in your life, your thoughts, and objectivity, and reclaim your life on your own terms. Most importantly be kinder to your soul and give yourself the same kind of love that you’re willing to offer your future companion. If you find recommendations that trigger you, ranging from well-meaning relatives or cookie-based ads pointing to matrimony services, dating apps, and single Muslims in your area. Remove yourself from the situation by avoiding such instances until you’re ready. Remember you are the priority in the now.
FIND THE RIGHT SUPPORT TEAM
One key piece of advice to enable you to pick yourself up and gather the pieces of your life would be to keep the ones who love you, close. You may need their support in the oddest of hours and initially at most turns of life. Islam teaches all Muslims to be kind to their relatives, neighbors, and generally people from all walks of life. So essentially the ones who hold you, dear, are naturally inclined to offer you support. Take the helping hand when it is offered to you. Even if it is in the form of a home-cooked meal or advice to move on and find love through Islamic marriage platforms. Their advice is probably founded on good intentions, but it would be ok if you set the pace and confer with them when the time is right.
After the setback of having disconnected with or having lost a loved one. We must look at the silver lining and take this as a life lesson. Once you are ready, after dealing with heartbreak, to find a companion and a perfect match for yourself, you can start socializing. Do so gradually, first through social media via websites for matrimony, in areas near you, where you can control
who you want to talk to and how much detail you want to share about yourself. When you are comfortable with meeting new people in person; try making yourself more approachable. You will be able to find peace sooner rather than later. There are many ways to make yourself more approachable. Don’t share your back story immediately with someone new that you have recently met. Carefully open up to build up a level of trust that soothes your mind and soul and transition into comfort. Hang in there. Although you may not understand the reasoning behind some life events, just have faith in Allah that he will do what is best for you in the long run.
Do things that make you happy. Get the endorphins up. Go to the gym, give to charity, engage in volunteer work or play with children. Anything and everything that stops you from internalizing the loss and allows you to move forward as a ‘whole’ individual. Listening to motivating TED talks or lectures by your favorite scholar maybe a couple of things that you might want to explore. SyedMatch hosts a variety of resources that point users in the right direction. Self-care can also come in the form of reading, sleeping well, and taking leisurely walks to clear your mind off unwanted thoughts. So, choose your antidote and heal so that you can grow in domestic prosperity as well as Iman. Walk with the light so the light can become a part of you.
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. [Quran 94:5].